June, 2008
June 25th, 2008
Lou Malnati’s Review
My latest installment at Slice is now posted for your reading pleasure.
June 25th, 2008
Oh Ronny, Why Do You Hurt Me?
It was a beautiful evening last night at Wrigley Field, 70 degrees with a light breeze. For the first time in the history of the world, the Cubs hosted the Baltimore Orioles.
Carlos Zambrano should have started the game, but he was injured, so Sean Marshall got the call. He wasn’t bad, but wasn’t good. The Cubs just didn’t seem to have it for the first six innings and it looked like their long home winning streak (over five weeks) was destined to end. But down 7-1 in the bottom of the seventh, the Cubs began to chip away at the lead.
By the 9th, they were down by two runs and had the bases loaded with nobody out. Ronny Cedeno, who should be the Cubs starting shortstop, was the pinch hitter and he looked awful. What made it particularly painful was that he batted right after the craptacular Ryan Theriot who got a hit. Theriot’s hit was a weak ground ball that did not make it out of the infield, but it was still a hit. Cedeno swung at bad pitches that he had no chance of hitting. He was followed by the great Kosuke Fukudome and Henry “Hank White” Blano, both of whom struck out as well. It was disappointing, but the Cubs had to lose eventually.
Now, I want to make sure something comes up in google every time someone searches for Kristin Bella or Kristin Bella is a bitch or Kristin Bella sucks or her phone number which can be written as [deleted upon request of readership]. I would imagine some people misspell her name as Kristen Bella. See, I had two extra tickets for the Cubs game last night. Since they are playing so well, tickets are incredibly hard to come by. Rather than scalp them, which I could have done easily. But instead I listed them on craigslist for face price.
Ordinarily when I sell Cubs tickets on craigslist for face price, I only respond to people who email me from work email addresses as having a job makes it less likely that one is also a scalper. I violated that rule last night. Imagine my surprise when two guys, neither of whom were Kristin, sat down next to me at the game. I’d be more upset about it, but they only paid $30 per ticket, which was exactly $5 per ticket more than Kristin paid. Given that she and some dude spent time and gas money to drive their little scooter to my house yesterday only to make $10, I find the whole thing kind of funny.
Anyhow, while the Cubs did lose last night, they did score in the bottom of the fourth inning. After the game, I found six ticket stubs. With a retail value of $1.69 each, that’s $10.14 worth of Dunkin’ Donuts coffee.
June 24th, 2008
Feeding Time For Puppy
Went to the incredibly disappointing Chicago Pizza Fest last weekend with a couple members of the Chicago Pizza Club. There were five or six places there, none of whom served Chicago style pizza. All of the pizza had been sitting out far too long. I didn’t to eat the bad pizza since I’m a fat fuck and I already eat too much of the good stuff. I was duty-bound to try it as a member of the CPC, but fortunately I had Phred there to eat most of each slice.
June 23rd, 2008
Operation Stop Being a Fat Fuck Slows Down
Last week’s weight: 222
Target weight (maximum): 205
Target weight (ideal): 195
Well, I once again failed to really get going on an exercise routine. I did run yesterday and this morning so that’s a good sign I might be serious. Of course, I did eat that ridiculous hunk of meat during the week and that didn’t help matters.
Look, I like to eat and sometimes in excess. I am paid to eat pizza once a week and I choose to eat pizza every couple of weeks in addition to that. That doesn’t help the cause. Still, I need to eat more vegetables. And I need to exercise more.
This week’s weight: 222
No change from last week. Pathetic.
Still a fat fuck.
June 23rd, 2008
Bye George
George Carlin was among the most insightful social commentators of our time. Here are a couple of his best pieces.